Never Alone
by MKAmericanhero
Summary: My take on the feelings Emily would have around Maya dying and her journey through it.
1. Chapter 1

**So this whole 5 months later thing is not flying with me so I did another glimpse into what I think the funeral would look like in my head and how Emily would cope. Brief look at drunk Emily cuz I find her both cute and tragic.**

Every kid has nightmares and when they wake up it's their parents' job to assure them that it's going to be ok; that what they felt was just a bad dream. Pam would have given anything to be able to tell her daughter that the hell she was living through was nothing more than a bad dream, but it wasn't: this nightmare was real. In the days following the body being discovered Emily was upset, but rarely said anything. When they confirmed that it was indeed Maya, she spoke, but it was usually through sobs and tearful outbursts. Her friends helped her through the worst of it and her mother was there during the nights the girls weren't, but Emily seemed to be completely heartbroken and there were times no one knew how to help her.

On this particular night Pam literally couldn't find her daughter. She had already called Veronica and Ashley who checked with their daughters who confirmed they hadn't seen their friend since that day at school. Her last ditch effort was a call to Ella to see if Aria had seen Emily. Ella picked up the phone on the third ring, "Montgomery residence."

"Ella, it's Pam."

"Pam? What's up, you sound a little frantic. Everything alright?"

"No, I can't find Emily."

"When you say you can't find her…"

"She left for a run 3 hours ago and she never would have been gone this long and not called me. She isn't at your house is she?"

"Byron took the kids to a late movie, the house has been empty other than me for several hours." Ella could hear the frustrated sigh from the other end of the call. "I gotta go look for her, what if she's hurt, what if she…"

"Pam don't go jumping to a lot of scary conclusions." At that moment the doorbell rang and Ella went to answer it while she tried to calm Pam down. When she opened the door Toby was standing there with Emily cradled in his arms. Ella looked at the girl and she looked fine, just passed out, that and she could smell the alcohol on her. "Pam she just showed up on my doorstep, she's fine."

"What, really? I'll come over and get her."

"Pam she's pretty out of it, she can stay here for the night." Ella tried to make it sound better than telling the woman her daughter was blacked out drunk.

"She's drunk isn't she?"

"How did you know that?"

"It's been happening a lot lately. Christ Ella, I have a teenage daughter whose an alcoholic, what kind of parent am I?"

"Pam, first off, she is hardly an alcoholic, she's just depressed out of her mind and you are a wonderful mother, none of us would know what to do in this situation."

"I'm getting really sick of all this crap happening to my child."

"I know, Emily is the last person in the world to deserve any of this, but for right now let's just take things one step at a time. Emily can stay here tonight and I'll bring her home tomorrow ok?"

"Thank you Ella."

"Don't mention it, I'll call you in the morning." She hung up the phone and headed over to the couch where Toby had put Emily. "The bar finally asked her if she wanted a ride home, when they realized she was a minor they figured they should just start calling friends instead calling her mother. I guess I answered first."

"Thank you for bringing her here."

"Your house was closest; I knew she'd be safe here." Toby turned to leave, "I'll call her tomorrow when she doesn't feel too hung over." Ella closed the door behind him and turned back to Emily. She got her shoes off and covered her with a blanket before heading upstairs. When everyone came home Mike decided to stay with a friend so it was just Aria, Emily and Aria's parents staying in the house that night. Ella explained what happened and everyone decided they could talk about it more in the morning. Ella checked on the drunk teenager once more before she went upstairs to bed. Emily opened her eyes for a moment.

"She's still dead isn't she?" Ella took a deep breath, "yeah honey she is, I'm sorry Emily."

"S'ok, I'm going to sleep now…she's still alive in my dreams." Ella's heart broke for the girl on her couch; she had been through more heartache then most people her age and she somehow kept going and Ella hoped she could overcome this hurdle too. She locked up and headed upstairs for the night. The next morning Byron had to go pick up his suit from the tailor for the funeral and Mike went with him leaving the girls alone in the house. Ella came downstairs only to see Aria standing at the bottom of the staircase. She could hear the soft notes coming from the piano and she wondered what was going on.

"Aria, what…" She was cut off when Aria held up her hand and gestured to the piano where Emily was sitting playing random notes softly. They stayed there watching her for a few moments before the notes became more organized and it was clear Emily was actually playing a song. Ella watched as the soft humming turned into signing and she stood perfectly still as she watched Emily play as though no one was watching.

**May the angels protect you  
Trouble neglect you  
And heaven accept you when its time to go home** (tears were already in Emily's eyes at that thought, but she pushed on.)

**May you always have plenty  
The glass never empty  
Know in your belly  
You're never alone**

May your tears come from laughing  
You find friends worth having  
With every year passing  
They mean more than gold  
May you win but stay humble,  
Smile more than grumble  
And know when you stumble  
You're never alone  


**Never alone  
Never alone  
I'll be in every beat of your heart  
When you face the unknown  
Wherever you fly  
This isn't goodbye  
My love will follow you stay with you  
Baby you're never alone **

Emily brushed the tears away and managed to smile a little as she looked at the picture of her and Maya she usually kept in her pocket, but was now sitting on the piano.

**Well  
I have to be honest  
As much as I want it  
I'm not gonna promise the cold winds won't blow  
So when hard times have found you  
And your fears surround you  
Wrap my love around you  
You're never alone  
**  
**Never alone  
Never alone**  
**I'll be in every beat of your heart  
When you face the unknown  
Wherever you fly  
This isn't goodbye  
My love will follow you stay with you  
Baby you're never alone**

May the angels protect you  
Trouble neglect you  
And heaven accept you when its time to go home  
And when hard times have found you  
And your fears surround you  
Wrap my love around you  
You're never alone

Never alone  
Never alone  
I'll be in every beat of your heart  
When you face the unknown  
Wherever you fly  
This isn't goodbye  
My love will follow you, stay with you  
Baby you're never alone  


That last line she sung without touching the piano keys.

**My love will follow you stay with you  
Baby you're never alone**

When she finished she took a deep breath and after kissing the photo, she put it back in her back pocket before standing up. She didn't realize she was being watched until Ella took a step into the living room, "you have a lovely voice Emily, it'd be a shame to waste it chugging vodka, don't you think?"

Emily looked guilty and surprised, "I didn't know anyone was listening, I'm sorry I didn't mean to disturb you. I should head home anyway, my mom is already super mad and worried." Emily went to grab her jacket, but Ella stopped her, "you didn't disturb anyone and eating breakfast first won't hurt you." Aria followed her mom into the kitchen and sat down next to Emily. "I'm sorry I ended up crashing here…how did I get here anyway?"

"Toby dropped you off last night." Aria added into the conversation, "the bar you were at called him."

"I'll have to thank him. Really, I should head home; I have to meet with the funeral director and Maya's mom this afternoon and I don't want to smell like vodka and bad decisions." Emily forced a smile and Ella looked at her as if she could see through the fake smile. Before Emily reached the door Ella stopped her, "Emily wait." The teenager turned to face her best friend's mother. "I know that this week has been hell and the funeral is going to make it that much worse, but you have friends, real ones, that love you. They don't want to lose you to a bottle of cheep alcohol. Let them in, let them carry you through this, you do not have to do this alone."

"Sometimes I think I should, do it by myself, apparently everyone I love ends up dead. I don't want anyone else to get hurt because they have me as a friend."

"Emily, you couldn't ditch these girls if you tried." Ella showed her a picture of the girls taken about a year ago; they looked happy, honestly happy. "They are going to love you through it honey, that is what friends do, what family does. Think about that when you think that another shot of vodka sounds good, because without friends like this you wouldn't have made it here last night." Ella turned to walk back to Aria and Emily walked out the door.

**I am going to make this a two shot so I'll do one more chapter. Today was my great aunt's funeral and I have had this song on repeat all day long. This gets me through the grieving so I hope you enjoyed it.**


	2. Heaven

**Sorry for the slow update but my sister is getting married on Saturday and if I'm not getting ready for it, I'm helping plan for it or getting the house ready for out of state family. Anyway hope you enjoy this next part, it does get a little bit dark because clearly Emily doesn't become a border line alcoholic because she is handling things well. I do touch on self harm in this chapter so be wary of that if it triggers you.**

A few days after she showed up on the Montgomery's doorstep drunk, Emily still hadn't returned to school. Ella gathered her schoolwork from her other teachers and brought it over to Emily's house that afternoon. When she got there she rang the doorbell, but got no response. She tried the door just on the off chance that maybe Emily was home but couldn't hear the bell and sure enough the door was unlocked. Ella stepped inside cautiously and called out one more time, "Pam, Emily, anyone home?" When she again got no answer she walked in the living room and set the pile of work on the coffee table. She noticed a similar stack of homework already sitting there, but when she looked closer she saw it was completed. Ella shook her head and muttered to herself, "Aria brought that to her on Friday and she already did it, she clearly hasn't been sleeping." Ella was about to leave, but before she did she heard some noise from the yard. When she looked out the window she saw Emily lying in the hammock outside and it looked like she had her guitar in her hands. Ella went out the back door and before she could even step off the back deck she could Emily singing.

Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years  
There was only you and me  
We were young and wild and free

Now nothin' can take you away from me  
We've been down that road before  
But that's over now  
You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want  
When you're lyin' here in my arms  
I'm findin' it hard to believe  
We're in heaven  
And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven

Oh - once in your life you find someone  
Who will turn your world around  
Bring you up when you're feelin' down

Ya - nothin' could change what you mean to me  
Oh there's lots that I could say  
But just hold me now  
Cause our love will light the way

Baby you're all that I want  
When you're lyin' here in my arms  
I'm findin' it hard to believe  
We're in heaven  
And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven

**Ella took a few steps toward the hammock and stopped a few feet away. She once again watched the teenager work through whatever emotion through song and if it wasn't so heartbreaking it would be even more beautiful.****  
**  
I've been waitin' for so long  
For somethin' to arrive  
For love to come along

Now our dreams are comin' true  
Through the good times and the bad  
Ya - I'll be standin' there by you

Baby you're all that I want  
When you're lyin' here in my arms  
I'm findin' it hard to believe  
We're in heaven  
And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart  
It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven

We're in heaven

We're in heaven

Emily played a few more chords to play out the songs end before she let the twang of the strings die out. She let the instrument lie flat against her body, almost as if she were hugging it to her. Ella debated saying something, but she didn't want to startle the girl.

"I know you're there Mrs. Montgomery." Emily turned her head and looked at her friend's mother. Ella knew her cheeks must have been red, "I didn't mean to break into your house and then interrupt you."

"You hardly broke in, the door was unlocked and you didn't interrupt anything: just a depressed teenager pouring her heart out to a fucking ghost." Emily winced when she spoke, "sorry I didn't mean to swear in front of you, that was rude of me."

"I won't tell anyone." Ella tried to lighten the moment without much luck. "Where's your mom?"

"She flew back to Texas to pick up my dad, I told her to go and then they could return together. I needed the space anyway, everyone keeps looking at me like I'm going to break any second, I can't handle that in my own house."

"They love you Emily, they want to make sure you know that even in this terrible time that you are loved."

"I know they love me; I know the girls love me, I know their parents think I'm a nice person and everyone else thinks I'm the good girl of the group, then again that went up in flames when I fell out of the closet didn't it." Emily laughed at herself and shut her eyes as she turned her head back toward the sky. Ella tried to choose her words carefully, "We love you too Emily and you were honest, not many people your age can be that honest, what you did was brave."

"I was blackmailed into coming out, someone sent pictures of me kissing Maya to Hanna and then to my mother, I was painted into a corner, I had no choice but to come out, I wasn't brave. And now look at me, look what being out has gotten me; every girl I loved like that is dead and I'm getting so sick of having to be the strong one." Ella looked confused, Emily saw it and explained, "it wasn't anything serious, she made sure I understood that, Ali and I made out a few times."

"It explains why you took her death harder than the others." Emily was silent and Ella didn't know what else to say. "I left your schoolwork on the living room table."

"I put last week stuff in there, you can take it with you, if you don't mind."

"Of course, when did you have the time to do all that work in three days, that was a week of school work." Emily shrugged, "ever wake up screaming from a nightmare?"

Ella had no idea where the question was going to lead to, "sometimes."

"You never get back to sleep afterwards, some people watch TV, I did my work." Ella looked concerned, "Emily how much sleep have you gotten recently?"

"Enough."

"Emily." Emily knew that tone; all parents used it when they wanted a straight answer with no BS. "I go to sleep usually by 10, wake up screaming at 2am. It's been like that since they…since they found her."

"Emily you should really talk to someone about all this, maybe getting it out will help you deal with things and then maybe you'll be able to sleep."

"Tried that already. I go twice a week and nothing really happens, I cry, she writes stuff down and hands me 20 pills of Prozac."

"She gave you medication?"

"Yep."

"Is it helping?"

"The thing of it is, I want to work through everything and be happy again someday, but I feel like everyone insists that I be ok with my lover being murdered right this damn minute and I'm over it, I should be allowed to mourn her loss. She loved me like no one else did and I lost her, those meds don't work because I'm not chemically unstable, I'm just heartbroken. If they have meds for that I'd be taking them." The girl had sat up in the hammock and when she was done ranting she took a deep breath and stood up. "Doctors just like it when you present them with a challenge they can medicate, they see all the things in my life and the things I've done and they can't wait to hand me pills." Emily started to walk away when Ella reached out to grab her wrist in an effort to stop her. Ella barely touched her arm when Emily pulled it away with a painful expression clearly displayed across her face. Emily pulled her arm away and crossed her arms in front of her.

"Emily, are you hurt?" Ella got no answer and the look on Emily's face was vacant. She placed her hand on Emily's shoulder, "Emmy?" Emily violently pushed her arm away, "NO, only my dad gets to call me that, call me anything else just please not Emmy." Ella held up her hands in surrender, "ok Emily, can you tell me why your arm hurts?" Emily looked Ella in the eye and studied her.

"The look in your eyes tells me you already know why my arm hurts, what good would it do to say it?"

"Because I need hear it from you." Ella took one step toward Emily who was crying, but trying hard to hide it. She held out her hand to the teenager, "Emily, it's ok you can trust me." Emily weighed her options and ultimately rolled her sleeves up to the elbow and held both arms out to Ella. Ella didn't realize she was holding her breath until she felt lightheaded and was forced to breathe. What she had feared was real and in front of her; Emily had cuts on both arms.

"Emily, why did you start doing this?" She wasn't judging, she was concerned and rightfully so. The teenager resumed crying, but fell to her knees and started sobbing in the arms of her friend's mother. Ella held Emily, like she was holding her own daughter. "It's the only pain I have a say in. Everyone keeps dying or leaving and it hurts, but it just never stops. This pain I get to choose, I can control how bad it hurts and when it hurts." Emily held onto Ella like she was her last hope of sanity and maybe she was. Ella stayed on the grass with the Emily crying into her shirt while she held onto her sides. After a while the crying had softened and Emily broke the silence, "I'm crazy aren't I?"

"No honey, you just keep getting more than your fair share of heartache." Emily was quiet for a moment. "I need help." Ella kissed the top of her head and held her closer, "I'm going to make sure you get it, ok, I'm going to help you."

**So yes, it was a bit dramatic and depressing, but in the last episode she said she missed the entire month of April because of Maya's death so I figured this level of sadness was appropriate. I'll do one more chapter with funeral stuff and then I'll wrap this up. Review for the last bit of this story.****  
**


	3. When Somebody Loved Me

It had been two days since Ella found Emily in her backyard with scars on both of her arms and in that short window of time she had managed to get a few numbers of therapists that deal with this type of behavior regularly. After calling them she had managed to get Emily an appointment with one of them for that afternoon. Emily had been staying with the Montgomery's because Ella wasn't about to leave her alone in her home when both her parents were still out of state and in the current psychological state she was in it would be foolish for Ella to leave her alone. The morning of her appointment Emily was awake and dressed before anyone else and Ella found her sipping on coffee when she came downstairs.

"Please tell me you got some sleep?" Emily looked up from her coffee and smiled, "I did, not a lot, but more than usual." Ella sat down next to the teenager and poured herself some coffee. "Are you ready for your appointment?" Emily nodded and kept her eyes focused on her mug. Ella saw the uneasiness and touched Emily's shoulder, "it's ok to be nervous."

"I'm not nervous, I just don't want to talk about it. She's gonna make a big deal about it." Ella reached over and held Emily arm gentle in her hand while rolling her sleeve up. "Emily you cut yourself, severely, more than once. This is a big deal, even if you don't recognize it as one and if you don't talk it out with somebody it can spiral out of control and I refuse to attend one more funeral for someone under the age of 18, especially yours." Emily hung her head, "I wasn't trying to die, it just felt better when I could see what was causing me pain and know that I had control over it."

"What if you had pushed down too hard, what if you hit a vein?"

"I didn't."

"But you could have." Ella's voice was firm but there was emotion behind it. She took hold of Emily's hand and forced the teenager to focus on her. "She's going to make a big deal out of it because it is a big deal. I realize that the last week has been hell for you and that everyone has offered their sympathy for your loss, but I'm going to tell you something that I suspect you haven't heard from anyone. You matter, ok, you are a big deal. This isn't me feeling sorry for you, this is me trying to make you understand that she loved you and she would hate to see you doing this to yourself because you are hurting. You need someone to help you step back and realize that this is not a healthy way to mourn and that you need to care for yourself."

"I always thought that only crazy people cut themselves, people who had clear breaks with reality. Turns out it's a much more alluring illness than I once thought. I don't want to tarnish her memory with it though, there are better ways to remember her, she deserves better than this."

"You deserve better too Emily."

"It's kind of hard to focus on what I want. I feel like I can't have dreams and big goals because she doesn't get to have them anymore."

"Emily you can't abandon your life simply because Maya's is over. Instead of letting your dreams die in her memory, why not live your life to the fullest because she no longer can." Emily played with her mug before turning away from Ella, "she always told me that she wanted to see me with a gold medal around my neck one day." Emily cracked a smile and that allowed Ella to let go of the breath she had been holding.

"Rosewood: the birthplace of Olympic gold medalist Emily Fields. Has a nice ring to it don't you think?" Emily smiled and went upstairs to grab her bag so that they could leave for the appointment on time. The appointment went better than Emily had expected and she genuinely liked her therapist. She was patient with Emily as she worked through her story of losing Ali and then losing Maya. She didn't judge her when she showed her the now healing scars on her arms and wrists. Emily knew it wasn't going to be easy, but she knew that at the very least, she liked this woman and was willing to try therapy and see if it helped. When she got back into the car with Ella, Emily felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She knew that one session wasn't going to make everything all better, but the idea that she had someone there to help her gave her just enough hope to want to return later in the week.

When they returned to the Montgomery residence Emily talked to her mom on the phone. Sadly, both she and Emily's dad were stuck in Texas because of some weather issues the grounded their flight and there was a chance they would miss the funeral entirely. Emily was upset, but she almost preferred her parents not see her mourning at the funeral so this wasn't that big of a deal to hear that they might miss it. She and Aria worked on their homework before dinner and once at the dinner table the usual small talk made it possible for everyone to avoid talking about the funeral. After the dishes had been cleared Emily settled into the parlor and put the final touches on her eulogy for the funeral and just before Ella turned to finish loading the dish washer she heard the sound of Emily playing her guitar and singing along to it.

**If I die young, bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a, bed of roses  
Sink me in the river, at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song**

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother  
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh well  
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no  
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well  
I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in the river at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well  
I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom  
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,  
I've never known the lovin' of a man  
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand,  
There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever,  
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well,  
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls  
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar  
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner  
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'  
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in the river at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)  
The ballad of a dove (oh, uh)  
Go with peace and love  
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket  
Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well  
I've had just enough time  
So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls

Emily finished playing and set the guitar down against the side of the couch before getting up and tucking her speech into her back pocket. She saw Ella looking at her from the kitchen and offered her a small smile. "I'm not singing that at the service I promise, it just seemed rather fitting." Emily gathered up her things and made her way into the guest room. Ella followed her and handed Emily a few extra pillows before turning to leave the room.

"I have my alarm set for 7, that should be enough time for everyone to get ready." Emily nodded, "sounds good I just have to be at the church by 9 to help Maya's mom set up some of the photo boards." As Emily climbed in bed Ella reached to turn off the light and before she did Emily stopped her, "Mrs. Montgomery, thank you. I know you didn't have to do any of this and, I just wanted to say thanks. Most parents would have given up, but you didn't and you got me help and I appreciate that."

"I'm glad I could help you in whatever why I could. Goodnight Emily." Emily managed to sleep better that night then she had in a long time and for once to bad dreams haunted her sleep. She still woke up about an hour before her alarm was set to go off so she showered and got dressed for the funeral before anyone else was awake. She sat on the couch in the living room while she practiced her speech and was only distracted when Ella came downstairs.

"Why am I not surprised to see you already awake and ready to go?"

"Always the overachiever." Emily smiled and stood up from the couch. "Do I look ok, like this dress doesn't look too happy does it?"

"Emily it's a black dress."

"I know, but I just, I burned the one I wore to Ali's funeral so I had to buy a new one for this funeral."

"You burned it?"

"My therapist's suggestion, that I if I didn't I would have held it and cried into every chance I got. Burning it severed that emotional tie and made it possible to move forward; at least that is what the shrink said."

"You look lovely. You ready for your eulogy?"

"As ready as I will ever be." Emily started to tear up and fidget with her dress. "If it's ok I think I'm going to leave and just have a little time alone before I have to deal with sympathetic eyes looking at me all day."

"Emily I don't like the idea of leaving you alone."

"I would never disrespect you by hurting myself while under your care. I need an hour by myself to just process what is going on without worrying if someone else needs me for something. I promise you, I will be at that church on time with no more scars on my arms then there are now." Ella thought about it before turning to the teenager. "Ok, but please call me when you are at the church and we will see you inside ok?"

"Deal, thank you." Emily grabbed her purse and walked out the door and to her car. Ella never did find out where she went for that hour, but wherever it was, it seemed to help her. They met up at the church and Emily greeted her friends and their parents as they entered the service. She held her head high and had her shoulders set and she looked so mature Ella wasn't sure if she should be proud or feel like she was watching a child grow up too soon. The pallbearers hoisted the casket into the air and slowly made their way into the church. Emily walked immediately behind Maya's parents and she kept her eyes trained on the casket as if she was trying to keep from crying too hard. Prayers and songs were offered and eventually Emily knew her moment had come. She stood up and smoothed her dress down and walked up to the side of the alter.

"I'll be the first to tell everyone that writing speeches was never my thing. Maya was always the one with the creative writing talent, but I figured short and sweet would work in my favor here. I could stay her for day tell you all the things I loved about Maya, all the reasons it makes it so painful to know she will never come back to me. But you are all here because in some way, you loved her too so I don't need to tell you how amazingly perfect she was. Instead I will use this opportunity to say goodbye and I love you. I've been to too many funerals and for people who just barely got to start to live their lives. When I met Maya, I had no idea how important she would end up being to me. I knew that when she smiled, I smiled and when she laughed I never wanted her to stop. I gave my heart to her in a moment of time in my life that was riddled with uncertainty and I never regretted that decision, even today as I am forced to say my final goodbye. While I would love to throw my hands up and call it quits, she would be so sad to think that her death did anything to stop me from living my life. Maya loved life, that was no secret and so I encourage all of you here to do as I am and continue living your lives in memory of one who no longer lives. Go after your dreams and share your triumph with the people who love you, knowing that those who have left us share in our happiness. Maya always said she wanted to see me with a gold medal around my neck and I know that if that day ever comes that she will share in my joy and be celebrating alongside everyone else. When she loved me, every bad thing in this world melted away and was simply beautiful. She changed my life by opening my heart to the most wonderful love and that love will shape my future and stay with me always. One day her being gone won't leave an empty feeling in my heart, but until that day comes I am happy knowing that in her short life I was blessed enough to hold her close to me and say that my heart belonged to the most amazing person."

Emily got down off the podium and walked over to the piano that stood a few feet from the casket. She sat down at the bench and started to play a song and eventually took a deep breath and began a song that she and Maya both loved.

**When somebody loved me  
Everything was beautiful  
Every hour spent together  
Lives within my heart**

And when she was sad  
I was there to dry her tears  
And when she was happy so was I  
When she loved me

Through the summer and the fall  
We had each other that was all  
Just she and I together  
Like it was meant to be  
And when she was lonely  
I was there to comfort her  
And I knew that she loved me

So the years went by  
I stayed the same  
But she began to drift away  
I was left alone  
Still I waited for the day  
When she'd say  
I will always love you

Emily looked at the poster that held many pictures of the two girls and smiled through her tears as she continued. ****

Lonely and forgotten  
Never thought she'd look my way  
And she smiled at me  
And held me  
Just like she used to do  
Like she loved me  
When she loved me

When somebody loved me  
Everything was beautiful  
Every hour spent together  
Lives within my heart

When she loved me... 

**I wrote a different eulogy in my other PLL story that was much better so check it out if you want to. I kind of want to do one more chapter set in the future with Emily wining that gold medal for swimming. Let me know in reviews.**


	4. Just Another Race

It was just like any other swim meet. At least that is what Emily told herself over and over again as she stood at the edge of the pool with her ear buds in her ears. She shut her eyes and concentrated on the music and tried to shut out everything that was going on around her. This was just like any other swim meet she told herself, only it wasn't just any other swim meet…it was the Olympics.

Her dream had been realized when Emily made the USA Women's relay swim team as their anchor swimmer. Her wildest dreams had come true and at the tender age of 26 she had just about everything anyone could want. She had won her first medal, a silver one, four years before when she was fresh out of college at age 22. About a month after coming home with that award she barely got any peace, that was until she walked into a bar in Philly and a young woman about 4 years old than herself took the empty seat next to her. They started talking and for the first time Emily felt as though she was talking to someone who wanted to know Emily Fields, not Olympic medalist Emily Fields. That night was followed by many just like it and eventually it was clear to Emily that she had fallen in love with Cassidy, the woman who sat down next to her that night. They moved in with each other after about 6 months and Emily quickly fell into the role of loving wife and mother. That's right, mother, Emily's girlfriend had a 1 year old from a previous relationship. The three of them fell into domestic life easily with Cassidy working at a local law firm and Emily working as a physical therapist and swim coach. They made their family official a year after they moved in with each other and within an month the second parent adoption was finalized so that Cassidy's son Peter was now officially their son. Emily thought she had everything anyone could ever want until the Olympics came calling again. Emily discussed it with her wife and it was clear Emily had something to prove to herself and this time she wanted to bring home the gold. After all the trials and try-outs Emily got the call that she had made it; she would be joining the team when they competed in Italy.

All that had led her here; to the starting platform, ready to swim the anchor lap for team USA. They had a slight lead, but they needed more if they wanted to win it all. Emily took a deep breath and readied herself to enter the water and as soon as her teammate touched the side of the pool Emily disappeared into the water at top speed. At the turn Emily knew she and the French anchor swimmer were tied still and she knew she needed to dig deep in order to win. She thought of her wife, her son and then her mind flashed to the first person to ever tell her she deserved the gold, Maya. With all those images in her mind Emily pulled ahead of the French swimmer and managed to hit the wall about three seconds before her opponent. Even before she surfaced Emily knew she had done it and her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. She climbed out of the pool and was rushed by her teammates and coach and it was then she could hear the thunderous applause and cheering. Camera flashes were going off like crazy as the team celebrated and when Emily looked up she scanned the stands for Cassidy. When she finally saw her wife she ran over to her and pushed herself up on the wall that separated the pool area from the stands. She balanced her weight on her hands and leaned in to kiss her wife which caused more cameras to be shoved in her face, but Emily didn't care. She backed away and smiled at her wife while tears streamed down both their faces. Before Emily returned to her team she leaned down and kissed her wife's stomach and was gone before the reporters could ask her about it.

She and Cassidy hadn't planned on tell anyone that they were having another child until she came home, but she had just won gold and Emily was never any good a keeping happy secrets. The ceremony was everything she had ever dreamt of and at the same time Emily wanted to go home. She wanted to celebrate with her wife and son, her friends and their parents and of course her own mother and father. She had to do a few interviews before she left country and all the while she knew there were a hundred more waiting for her when they returned home and she loved it; her fans were amazing and she knew that this came with the territory. She politely answered questions about her training and what it took for her to get to this point professionally. The personal questions were always the ones Emily struggled with, not because she had anything to hide, but she had a family to protect now and some things she wanted to remain private. Usually though Emily handled the questions beautifully and was always very honest. When she was asked about the scars, that to this day were still visible on her arms, she answered honestly and became the poster child for recovering self harmers. The letters she got from teens struggling with the same issue always touched Emily deeply and it motivated her to be honest about her past so that these teens could believe in their futures. This interview however was completely geared toward the race and Emily's final thoughts on the Olympics.

"Now Emily, this is not your first rodeo, how has this competition compared to your last Olympic run?"

Emily flashed her winning smile, "I think any repeat Olympic athlete will tell you, each time its different, but at the same time there is a sense of déjà vu. The city change is the first thing that really shocks my system; it's culture shock no matter where it's held. The fact that I am away from home and out of my zone takes so getting used to. Ultimately, the adrenaline gets a hold of you and the culture shock melts away because you remember that you have a job to do and that millions of people will be watching you do that job. As for how the two compare: for me I think the competition definitely came back this year stronger and I love that. You see us with our game faces on, but honestly I am friends with most of the swimmers on the other teams and to see them at their best pushes me to perform at mine. "

"I saw that, even after you had beat the French team, they all seemed excited for you."

"I always tell my son that if you can't perform with a sense of humility and sportsmanship you should not be competing at all. Yes, it's about winning, but this is about bringing countries together under the unifying sports. In that water it doesn't matter what language you speak or the color of your skin: I see it as a great equalizer, you are on the same level playing field and where you go on it is up to your ability."

"That's a really beautiful way of looking at the games as a whole. Now, let's talk about the moment you won, what was going through your mind when you came out of that water?"

"I was half expecting to hear the alarm going off because it felt like a dream. My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to pass out and the reaction from the crowd was awe inspiring. I felt my coach hug me and then I knew it was really real and I lost my mind, crying and laughing. Then the only thing I could think about was my wife and sharing this with her. I found her in the stands and I just ran to her. She always believed in me and she put her career on hold to support me as I trained and traveled and I mean I have shared my heart and the last four years of my life with her so sharing this with her was a given." Emily couldn't hide the smile that spread across her face as she spoke about her wife and why would she want to.

"I wonder if you realize how famous that picture is going to be of you running to kiss her? It's on every major paper in the states and a few here and around the world. Did you think of that in that moment?"

"All I thought about was sharing the crowning achievement of my career with the love of my life and the mother of my children. I didn't even register that cameras were around: I saw her and everything faded away. I've always had tunnel vision when it comes to her. I guess people just like a good love story and what I have with my wife is the closest thing to a fairytale that I have ever seen so I understand."

"Now I have to ask, you kissed your wife and then kissed her stomach before you got down of the stand partition. Now every paper that has that picture is saying that you and your wife are pregnant, any truth to those comments?"

Emily had the biggest smile on her face and it answered the question, but she spoke anyway, "we were going to wait until I got home and things settled down but in that moment I couldn't help myself. Yes, I am confirming the rumors, Cassidy is four months pregnant and we are so excited to add to our family."

"You two have a son already, correct?"

"Peter, he just turned five last month and he is so excited to be a big brother."

"I'm sure everyone is very excited for you and your wife's new addiction to your beautiful family. Now just one more question before I let you head off. We've heard a lot about your past and the things you went through that brought you here. Any thoughts as to how those experiences shaped you into a gold medalist?"

"Everyone with a TV or an internet connection knows something of my past: I lived in a small town all my life, daughter of a military man and a homemaker, I came out when I was in high school, my girlfriend was murdered and I handled it by developing a serious problem with self injury. At the time I thought I had no future and I wanted to give up because everything was just so damn difficult, but my parents refused to let me give up, my friends stood by me and loved me through it all and their parents, one of their mother's in particular really stepped up and literally saved my life. She reminded me that hard times in life is no excuse to give up, but instead is a damn good reason to fight for a future that is better and brighter. So I owe a lot of thanks to my parents, my three best friends Hanna, Spencer and Aria and to Aria's mother Ella."

"Any last advice for the viewers?"

"Find friends who will stand by you through hell and celebrate with you through the best times. Never apologize for loving someone and if you want something never give up, work hard and know that nobody ever got anything they wanted by sitting around wishing for it."

"There you have it ladies and gentlemen, gold medalist Emily Fields."

A few days later, the games were officially over and Emily was able to return home. They made it to the escalator that led to baggage claim when Cassidy tapped on her wife's shoulder and Emily looked up to where her wife was pointing and smiled. Along with the media, all her friends, their parents and her own parents were all standing at baggage claim holding signs with her name and cheering her name. With an insane blush Emily started walking over to the group, but was stopped when she heard a small voice yell 'Mommy'. She saw her son running toward them at full speed so she of course dropped her bag to the floor and ran to meet him. She dropped to her knees and was almost knocked over when her son ran into her arms. She kissed the side of his head and she managed to get to her feet while still holding him.

"Mommy I saw you on the TV and they gave you the pretty necklace." He kissed his mother on her cheek and smiled a big toothy grin which melted Emily's heart. The five year old was simply happy to have his mothers back home so the importance of an Olympic gold medal was lost on him. Emily held onto her son while she was welcomed home by her closest friends and family members; Spencer had made Emily beat France t-shirts and half the people there were wearing them. Once everything had died down they all agreed to meet up the next day for a casual party at Emily and Cassidy's house to allow everyone to catch up and relax. As they made their way home Emily asked if they could make one stop before they reached the house. Emily gave her wife the address and it made Cassidy smile as she nodded and took the next exit off the freeway. When the car stopped it stopped in front of Aria's childhood home, the house where her parents both still lived. Emily got out of her car and while she walked up the stairs and rang the doorbell Cassidy got Peter out of his car seat. When the door opened Mike was standing there with the same smirk on his face that was usually there.

"Well, if it isn't the prodigal daughter returning to her hometown to show off some serious gold."

"Hey Mike." She hugged the boy, who was no longer a boy and he welcomed her in, holding the door open for Cassidy and Peter. "Mom's outside gardening." Emily nodded and opened the back door quietly and without much thought she shut it behind her.

"Mike, I heard the bell, who was it?"

"Some crazy woman wearing a gold necklace." Ella looked up and smiled before walking to Emily and hugging her tightly.

"You were sensational, it's like you were just flying through the water. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to see you come home, but I had an appt this morning and I just got home."

"Don't be sorry, once Peter came running up to me I was a mess of tears so you didn't miss much."

"He missed his parents, but he told everyone who stood still long enough that his mommy was in the 'lympics as he called it."

"He's the light of my life and being away from him for that long was torture."

"I know, but from what I hear and from what I saw you are about to get another light in your life, when were you going to tell me?"

"When we came home I swear, but I am going to tell you something that just Cassidy and I know." Emily looked around to make sure they were alone before whispering into Ella's ear, "it's a girl." Ella smiled wide and started to tear up, "Emily, that's wonderful, congratulations."

"Thank you, we are so thrilled, we love Peter, but we both really wanted a girl this time. You are the only other person who knows so don't tell anyone."

"Your secret is safe with me, but I'm curious why are you telling me?"

"Because I have to ask you something important."

"Sounds serious."

"It is." Emily made eye contact with Ella and continued. "We have her name all picked out and I wanted to tell you what it was. We're going to name her Elizabeth and when the time comes for a nickname we want people to call her Ella. I know it's not a common nickname for Elizabeth, but I think it could work…." Ella waved her hand to stop Emily from babbling, "you want your daughter to have my name?"

"You hate it? I'm sorry I knew I should have asked." Ella stopped her by hugging Emily closer to her and crying. When they settled down Ella spoke up again, "why would you do that, what have I done that's so special?"

"You are joking right? You saved my life, if you hadn't stepped in when you did I would have killed myself and you and I both know that. You made me see that Maya wanted more for me and that I deserved more, deserved to have a future. You made me fight for everything I have and look at what I accomplished, because you refused to give up me. Without you I never would have met Cassidy, I never would have married her or adopted Peter and I wouldn't have this medal around my neck telling you that I'm gonna be a mother again. You gave me my life back and then you made it beautiful and I can never repay you for that, but I want my little girl to know that her name is one of true strength and kindness. She'll know one day what you did for me and her name will always reflect that."

"I don't know what to say."

"Just say yes, say that you are willing to share your name with my child."

"It would be one of the greatest honors of my life." Emily hugged her once more before the back door opened again and her son came running out with Cassidy behind him. He ran right to Ella, "Grammy Ella, did you see it, did mommy show you her necklace?" Ella lifted the boy up and smiled, "she sure did and she told me all about your new baby sister."

"The baby is gonna have your name cuz mommy loves you lots." Ella smiled with tears in her eyes and she looked over at Emily who was standing behind Cassidy, her hands resting on her wife's swollen stomach. She kissed the little boy's head and brushed away a tear, "well I love your mommy lots too."

**Thanks for reading folks, hope you enjoyed it.**


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